


The Tide

by starbuck1101



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Men are dumb sometimes, Romance, he eventually gets it right though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-03-21 02:44:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13731456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbuck1101/pseuds/starbuck1101
Summary: An AU in which Diana comes in peace but she still fucks everything up.





	1. Me gustas tu

The case had been a rough one. Short and rough. They’d ended up getting a drink afterwards to calm their nerves. 

Just one drink. 

Mulder walked her to her car. He knew she could take care of herself, but it was the gentlemanly thing to do. 

She was leaning up on the drivers side door, looking at him and smiling. “Mulder, this one was a bit rough, how about we agree to not take on a new case for at least a few days, huh?” She said reaching up and touching his arm. 

He smiled and chuckled. “Okay. That sounds like a good deal” he said not breaking eye contact. His body seemed to be moving on autopilot, getting closer to hers. Before he knew it, he was pinning her to the car, not breaking eye contact. His mouth descended on hers and they shared a nice sweet kiss. Her arms went around his neck and his remained low on her hips. 

They parted and they both opened their eyes and looked at each other. “Wow” was all she said. 

“Listen, let’s get together Saturday? We can watch a movie. Get some pizza, hang out?” He asked her, a lot of promise in his words. 

It was Wednesday, Skinner had ordered they take Thursday and Friday off. It seemed like a long time to wait to see him again, but it would do. 

She smiled and opened the door to her car, “Okay, see you Saturday, 6pm sharp!” 

Xxx

He stood by his car until she left. Waving goodbye. He’d finally gathered the courage to kiss her. It had only taken 5 years. 

He smiled the whole way home. 

He caught himself whistling as he exited the elevator and walked to his apartment door. As he looked up halfway there he saw a person he hadn’t seen in years. 

“Diana?”

She looked up from where she was sitting outside his apartment door. “Fox!” She got up and straighten herself. He walked the remaining way to her and they stared at each other. He couldn’t find the words to ask her what she was doing at his door after so long. 

“Want to come in?” He asked as he opened the door. 

“Yes. Please.” She asked as she smiled up at him. 

They walked in and she sat on his couch as he headed for the kitchen to grab them some beers. He met her in his small living room, handed her a beer but didn’t join her on the couch. “So...to what do I owe this surprise?” He asked taking a swig of his beer. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s been a long long time. I’ve taken a big risk of rejection coming here. I left you and I still don’t know why. Ever since I left years ago, I’ve done nothing but think of you. I’m here hoping you’ll give me another chance. I....I don’t even know if you’re seeing anyone right now.” She smiled nervously, “like I said, I am taking a big chance here”. She played with her hands on her lap. She chanced a look at him. 

He looked at her, something softening in his gaze. He walked towards her, placing his beer on the table and taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply before taking her over to his bedroom.


	2. Yo quiero estar contigo, vivir contigo, bailar contigo, tener contigo una noche loca

Saturday arrived rather quickly. Scully had been excited about the promise of what the night might bring ever since she last saw Mulder. 

She hadn’t heard from him since they parted ways, and although she had called him, left a message, and received no call back, she wasn’t worried. Not yet. 

They had agreed to meet at her apartment at 6pm. She’d ordered a pizza and gotten some wine. Music was already playing. At 5:45, she poured herself a glass of wine to calm her nerves. 

When he didn’t show by 6:45 she began to worry. She dialed his cell phone, no answer. She dialed again, no answer. She raced to her room to put her shoes on, the worst of thoughts occupying her brain, she should’ve known something was wrong when she hadn’t heard from him for 2 days. She dialed his home number before racing out the door, just in case. PLEASE PICK UP PLEASE PICK UP

“..'ello?” Came his tired, cracked voice on the other end. 

“Mulder?” She stopped in her tracks, keys in her hands. 

“Oh hey! I’m so sorry I haven’t called you back, I’ve been busy” he said, sounding exhausted and sleepy. 

“Mulder, are you alright? You sound odd....” right before she started with her usual rundown of symptom check lists, she heard it. Faintly, but she did. 

“....fox? Who’s on the phone....come back....” she pinched the bridge of her nose shutting her eyes as tight as possible. “Scully I’m ok. Thank you for checking....I’ll see you later, ok?” God, did he always talk to her like she was his little sister? 

One step forward, three back. She couldn’t believe this. “Yeah. Ok. Mulder.” She hung up not waiting for a response. He had forgotten about their “date”, and probably all about the kiss they shared. She felt foolish for seeing what wasn’t there and for feeling what wasn’t there. She took her shoes off, threw her keys towards the table and didn’t care when they slid off. Plopping herself on the couch, she poured herself another glass of wine and grabbed a now-cold slice of pizza. 

By Monday she hadn’t seen him in 5 days. The longest in a long time. 

Mulder strode in to work that Monday and it wasn’t until he reached his office door that he even remembered he was supposed to meet Scully on Saturday night. 

xxxxxx

He walked in to find her seating at his desk typing away, furiously fast and purposefully. Just like she did everything in life, with purpose. At the sound of his footsteps, she looked up. 

“Oh hey Mulder. Sorry, I came down here to look up some information from the case file for our report and I just started working. Here, let me get out of your way.” She said picking up all of the work material she had spread all around the desk. He really needed to get her a desk down here. “I’m going to take this up to the bullpen and work on it, should be done sometime around lunch. I’ll email it so you can check it and add your own thoughts to it.” She said as she walked past him and out the door. 

He reacted as quickly as his brain would allow and caught up with her as she waited for the elevator. “Scully, listen, about Saturday...” he was about to get into his line of apology, but she interrupted him. 

“Don’t worry about it. I get it.” The elevator dinged announcing its arrival and she got on, she pushed the button, looked up and met his eyes. 

He looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time since he arrived in the office. She looked perfectly fine, hair in place, perfect outfit, but then he met her eyes. They looked....resigned. Not sad, or happy, or distraught, just....resigned. 

The doors closed and she was gone for the rest of the day. 

He received the report right before lunch time, and headed up to the bullpen to catch up with her. She was sitting at her desk, still typing furiously, typing what, only God and she knew. “Hey Scully, wanna grab some lunch?” she looked up suddenly, almost jumping at his voice. She had been so focused and entranced on her article writing that she hadn’t heard him approaching. 

“Oh. Thanks Mulder, but I’m ok. I’m trying to catch up on this article before we head off to the next middle of nowhere. I’m skipping lunch today.” He looked a bit dejected, but accepted her choice regardless. 

“Alright. Well, you know where the basement is if you need me for anything.” He turned on his heel and began walking out when she replied. 

“I’m sure I won’t, but thanks”. Okay. She was definitely upset with him. Why wouldn’t she be? He had stood her up, and right after they’d shared an amazing kiss. 

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. She wasn’t even looking in his direction. He could tell he had just been evicted from inside the walls she so perfectly and tightly had around herself. “Scully, can we please talk? Maybe tonight?” 

“Don’t. Stop. No need. I’m good, I told you, I understand. There needs to be no further discussion on anything.” She said as she pierced him with an angry look that could’ve definitely killed him, injured him badly at the very least. 

He sighed and walked away. No sense in making a scene, she wasn’t going to hear him now, he had to give her some time. 

He’d always thought that Scully was someone he could be with forever, but the truth was that starting a relationship with her was complicated, and it would complicate both of their lives. Relationships weren’t meant to be complicated. 

Things with Diana were....easy. He was letting himself get lost in the feeling, and letting himself be loved like he never thought he deserved. Scully would understand and appreciate this opportunity he was giving her, later. He was giving her an out, an out that would give her the chance to lead a normal life, free from conspiracies, death threats, constant traveling, etc.


	3. Aren't we too grown for games? Aren't we too grown to play around? Young enough to chase But old enough to know better Are we too grown for changin'?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully meets Diana

The first time she met her was at Mulder’s office. She wish she could call it “their office”, but the truth was that calling it that would mean she felt she had some kind of stake in there. Truthfully, she felt like a welcome guest down in the basement, and she often wondered how long her stay would be welcomed.

They’d been in the middle of discussing logistics of a case, him offering his wild theories, she offering her own scientific explanations, when they heard the ding of the elevator announcing someone’s arrival followed by heels on the tile floor. Scully looked towards the door, honestly expecting Kim to walk through the door, but she was met with a mean looking brunette who smiled instantly at the sight of Mulder.

“Fox! Thought I’d come by and see the sights, I see not much has changed down here.” She gave him a small smile with a tilt of the head in the direction of Scully. “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Fox?” Of course Diana knew all about Scully; Some from the rumor mill, the rest from Mulder, but she’d never met the woman in person. She could already tell the woman despised every bone in her body.

Scully blinked and extended her hand towards the woman as she moved towards her. “Hi, I’m Dana Scully, Mulder’s partner.”

They shook hands and Diana smirked, “Nice to meet you Dana, I’m Diana Fowley, I’m working up in counter-terrorism, and I’m Mulder’s girlfriend. I’ve heard so much about you, Dana.” Diana looked over towards Mulder who had a panic stricken look on his face.

“Likewise” Scully lied. She’d never heard the woman’s name, although she assumed Mulder had been seeing someone since all the late night calls and visits had stopped. They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other outside of work going on two months now. Basically, ever since they’d kissed.

She knew he’d been seeing someone, but she still couldn’t shake it out of her head that he’d been so repulsed by her kiss that she’d thrown him into the arms of another woman.

“Diana, we were right in the middle of something. Was this a purely social call, or?” Mulder asked, desperate for her to leave the room.

“I came to grab you for lunch, it is lunchtime after all. Would you care to join us, Agent Scully?”

Scully looked up suddenly, eyes like deer caught in headlights. “Oh, thanks for the offer, but I already have lunch plans.” Truthfully, she did. For the first time in a long time she’d made lunch plans with Kathryn, one of her buddies from down at the lab. Perfect timing.

Mulder snorted, clearly thinking Scully was lying, but not saying much else. “Di, give me about 20 minutes, I’ll come get you, I’d really like to finish my discussion with Scully”

Di? Scully gagged. She looked over at him with a less than pleased look on her face.

Diana turned on her heel and left them to their own devises.

“Plans, Scully?” He gave her a condescending look, thinking he’d caught her at a lie.

“Yes. Mulder. I’m meeting up Kathryn for lunch. Why is that so hard to believe?” She asked half-pissed, half-hurt.

He suddenly realized that his tone had been anything but friendly and that all he seemed to be doing lately was hurt his partner.

“I’m sorry, Scully, I just thought you were looking for an excuse to not have to sit through lunch with a girlfriend of mine” he said sincerely and it was her turn to snort.

“And just why do you think I would want to not have lunch with you and your girlfriend, Mulder?” She gave him the eyebrow. He suddenly felt intimidated.

“I.....I...just thought that...” he was caught between wanting to tell her what he thought and biting his tongue.

She giggled, “Mulder, please, what you do outside of work is your own deal, if you choose to do it with an older agent that’s your own business. I don’t care.” She hadn’t meant anything by saying Diana was an older agent, but he had taken it as an insult.

“Older agent, Scully?” He walked towards her.

“Are you trying to pick a fight, Mulder? What’s going on?” She looked at the clock, she was already 5 minutes late to meet Kathryn. She really didn’t care to sit and discuss Mulder’s love life with him. “Oops, I’m running late to meet Kathryn. I’ll see you after lunch.” She smiled at him and walked out.

Mulder felt disappointed at Scully’s uncaring reception of Diana. She seemed to neither hate her nor like her. She just didn’t care, and that bothered him immensely.


	4. My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, Nobody else, But my love, he doesn't love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acceptance

Jason’s Deli  
Scully found talking to Kathryn brought a comforting feeling, she reminded her of her late sister. “So, remember that guy Jason we talked about a while ago? The one I met at Starbucks?” Scully nodded. “Well, we’ve been seeing each other for a while…” her friend looked down and blushed.

“Have you guys….” Scully didn’t finish the sentence but gave her friend a smirk. 

“Yes, and he spends the night…” Katheryn had once told Scully that she would know she was in love with a guy when she didn’t feel the need to kick them out of her place after the deed was done.

“Awww, Katheryn! You’ve got me saying things like ‘awww’” Scully smiled and Katheryn laughed. It was so glad to be in feminine company discussing these type of things, no pressure what so ever, someone that understood the lifestyle.

“So what about you, Dana, how’s your love life?” Katheryn asked her.

“What love life?” Scully asked half-joking, half-serious.

“Come, on, Spill!” Katheryn begged, Scully knew she could trust her, and it was only fair to share what was going on with her after her friend had shared with her what was going on with hers.

Scully sighed, “I don’t even know where to start, but honestly, there’s no love life here, I might as well have been a nun. Mulder and I kissed 2 months ago, that’s as much action as I’ve got in a while.” A sad look took over her face, “Nothing happened further than that and he’s seeing someone now.” She looked up to meet her friends eyes, her friends mouth was slightly open.

“WAIT A MINUTE, you kissed THE Fox Mulder, the one you say you have no feelings for?” Katheryn was shocked, for as much as she had asked, Scully had always refuted any romance between her partner and herself. “So you kissed, and what happened after? Start from the beginning and tell me everything!” Katheryn urged her on.

“Ugh….” She was now playing with her hands, a clear sign of anxiety, but she needed to share with someone, run her thoughts through someone else’s brain. “We stopped for a nightcap after the Nottingham case, he walked me to my car, next thing I know we’re kissing and he’s pinning me to the car. The kiss was great, we made plans to see each other a few days later over the weekend.” She took a sip of her water and looked over at Katheryn. 

“So, what happened when you guys saw each other…?” Katheryn looked like she needed some popcorn, like she was on the verge of the big plot twist in a movie, she looked so excited.

“Nothing happened. He stood me up. Didn’t show, when I called to see if he was on his way or whatever, 45 minutes after we’re supposed to meet, he answers and doesn’t show any indication he remembered we had plans. I heard a woman in the background. The rest, is as they say, history.” She plastered a smile on her face, which looked like a sad attempt and ended up just looking sad.

“Oh Dana,” her friend looked so sad, suddenly her expression changed, “I’m going to fucking kill him! How dare he! What the hell?!” 

This made Scully laugh. “Katheryn, it’s fine. It just helped me move on, admit to myself that I had some type of feelings for him and they weren’t reciprocated, now I can move on. It’s a good thing, silver lining and all that.”

“Do you know her?” Katheryn asked.

“Not until right before this lunch. I didn’t even know she worked for the Bureau, Diana Fowley. Do you know her?” Katheryn’s face fell.

“Oh! THAT bitch?” Recognition came to her face, “God, I swear, she’s never done anything to me, like at all, but she has this aura about her, like I know she’s just a Bitch, you know?” Scully nodded.

“She seemed a bit cold when I met her, but then again, I’m known as the Ice Queen around these parts.” She shrugged.

“Oh please, they call you that because they all want in your pants and you won’t give them what they want.” Katheryn dismissed the idea, “I never thought they’d get back together, wow.” 

“What do you mean?” Scully asked.

“Mulder never told you about her?” Scully shook her head ‘no’. “They were together a long time ago, before you joined us on the dark side, she left him randomly one day. It was big news in the FBIs rumor mill, I remember feeling bad for him. Can’t imagine why he’d go back to her.” Katheryn seemed upset for her, it felt good to have a friend she could share these things with.

“Never heard of her before, and it doesn’t matter, I just wish I didn’t feel like him kissing me made him realize it was somewhere else he belonged.” A certain sadness filled her chest. She’d been thinking this for the past few weeks, but had never admitted it to herself or anyone for that matter.

“Oh Dana, men are ridiculously dumb sometimes, Mulder has his head up his ass, please don’t think that about yourself. Fuck him and fuck her! We can hate on both of them together!” Katheryn smiled and meant every word she told her friend.

“She hasn’t done anything to me, I feel bad hating on her, but I do already dislike her,” she laughed. They finished their lunch and returned to the office, Scully felt much lighter and in a better mood than she felt in weeks. Mulder was not hers, he belonged to himself, and he had every right to choose who he associated himself with. She couldn’t fault him for that.

XXX

Scully walked in to the office to find Mulder already seated at her desk. It was weird since she left before him and he was supposed to meet Diana for lunch. He had a perturbed look on his face. He didn’t look up when she entered. She sat at the chair opposite his desk.

“Ready to pick up where we left off?” Scully said trying to get his attention.

He looked up and sighed, “Not really, can we do this in the morning? I think I’ll just catch up on some paper work this afternoon.” He looked really dejected.

“Everything alright?” She asked, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah, just some trouble in paradise, that’s all. See you in the morning.” He said as he grabbed his computer and started typing away. She got up and walked out of the office without another word.

XXX

By 4:59 she was packed and ready to go home, as 5:00 hit, she was walking out of the building and into her car. She stopped by the liquor store to get some wine before heading home. It was 6:30 when there was a slight knock at her door. She wondered who it could be, since now that Mulder was with someone, he wasn’t visiting anymore, and no one else visited. She looked through the peep hole and found Mulder standing awkwardly with a pizza box in his left hand. She’d had 2 glasses of wine already and was feeling effectively buzzed. She opened the door, “Mulder? What are you doing here?” She asked earnestly.

“Jeez, it’s good to see you too Scully.” He said walking in, “I brought pizza!”

“Sorry, it’s just that you haven’t been around in more than 2 months and I just wasn’t expecting any visitors this evening. Do we have a case?” Why else would he show up at her doorstep on a Wednesday evening?

“What? Can’t I just come visit you?” He placed the pizza box on the table, realizing just how much he had neglected their friendship.

“Yeah, I guess.” She realized that the fact was that he was in a fight with his girlfriend, probably didn’t want to sit around his apartment all alone and needed some company, and he knew she would always be around. Like a damn dog, she was his damn dog, God damn it. She sighed at the realization and moved to get some plates, she handed him one, opened up the box, got herself a slice and went to sit on her couch. All in silence, not the comfortable kind either.

She was already halfway done with her first slice when he joined her on the couch. She finished her slice, and got herself another. She still remained silent. Once she finished that one, she got up and poured herself more wine, didn’t offer him any. As she returned to the couch, she finally looked over at him, “It is not lost on me that you’re only here because you’re in a fight with Diana, but thank you for the pizza. You know you’re always welcomed here, but I wish I wasn’t just the place you go when everywhere else is just not appealing.”

“Scully….” He wanted her to stop talking because she was making him feel like shit.

“No, it’s ok. I understand, you’re in a new relationship, and at the beginning everything is all about that person, and you can’t seem to find time for other people, I understand. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m just getting scraps.” She said to him. 

She decided long ago she would let him go but hoped they’d remained friends. 

Friends talked about things.

 


	5. Show me where your love lies

He looked away from her, he knew she was right, but he didn’t know what to say to her to make it up to her. “Scully, I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what to say, you’re right.” He sighed. 

She took a long gulp of her wine and got up to get some more. She was starting to get dizzy, but she was not drunk. When she sat back down, he continued on with his apology. “I also want to apologize for standing you up a few weeks ago. I know you said to forget it, but Scully, I really do need to apologize.” She was looking straight ahead, not making eye contact. He could tell this was a sore subject for her, but he could not imagine why she’d still be so upset about it.

She sighed again. “It’s fine, Mulder, really. I already explained this to you, we *really* don’t need to talk about it.”

“Then why are you still upset about it?” He asked while guiding her chin so her face would be facing him and he could look her in the eyes. 

She smiled and looked away. “I’m not.”

“Scully, I know you, probably better than I know myself, I know you’re upset, can we please fix this, tell me what else there is so I can fix it.”

She got up and paced back and forth. “Can we just drop it? It’s something I have to get over on my own. I appreciate your concern, but we *really* don’t need to discuss anything.” She stopped pacing and looked at him, hands on her hips, expecting, hoping and praying, that he would just drop it. She couldn’t sit here and spill her heart out to him and then show up to work the next day like nothing had happened. “I appreciate the pizza, but I’ve had more than my share of wine tonight and I really want to go to bed. You probably should go see Diana and make up anyway.” She headed straight for her room and closed the door behind her, not even bothering to see him out.

Xxx  
Mulder cleaned up after them before heading out of her apartment. Scully had been acting strange for a while, and he had yet to figure it all out. As much as he’d like to think he knew her, she constantly reminded him that she had a mysterious side to her that he wasn’t privy to.

As he walked downstairs to his car, he thought about that horrid lunch he’d had with Diana that afternoon.

“You know, Fox, she’s in love with you.” Diana had said as they walked out of the Hoover Building towards the nearest sandwich shop. “Poor little Dana.” Her tone had been nothing but condescending.

“Diana. Please. Don’t start making things up, and I’d like it if you stopped referring to her that way” he’d told her with a stern look at her face. He was suddenly remembering why the first round with them had not worked. How she would be jealous of any and all female members of society, and how he’d been relieved when he came home and all her stuff was gone.

“I mean, I didn’t believe it when Jack told me about her, but I guess I had to see it to believe it.” She said to him as they entered the sandwich shop.

“What are you talking about?” Mulder said as they got in line for their sandwiches.

“Dana. How she’s your lap dog. Will do just about anything you ask, I mean, obviously I don’t have proof of this, but that’s what people say. Judging by the up and down look she gave me a few minutes ago, I’d bet that she was murdering me in her head. She wants you.” She gave an annoying condescending laugh. “I bet that if you kissed her, she’d fuck you in the same breath.”

“Diana that is enough. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?! You just met the woman 10 minutes ago and look at how you’re speaking about her. She’s my partner, she has my back, my life has depended on her many times. How dare you talk about her this way?” He was grabbing her arm, maybe a little too roughly, “you know what, I’m suddenly not hungry, I’m just going to go back to the office.” He stalked away. Pissed off. He’d wanted to yell at Diana and tell her how he’d kissed Scully and no, unfortunately, she hadn’t fucked him in the same breath, but that that was probably his doing.

He suddenly wondered why he was even with Diana, why was he bothering with her? Why does he think this time will be different? People don’t change, not really, not as much as Diana would need to change for her to be a decent, normal, human being.

He had to get his priorities in check. He needed to think about what he’d been doing for the past 2 months to derail his life so much.

He also needed to think of how to get rid of Diana. He knew that wasn’t going to be an easy task, she didn’t take rejection well last time. He’d broken up with her about a month before she moved out at the time claiming *she* was the one leaving *him*. Well, yes, she’d left, but only because he just refused to even look at her, and the lease was under his name. By that point, he didn’t give a damn about any of that, that was just semantics. What was important was that she had left and he could begin the healing process. She’d definitely run a marathon through his life, and he needed to put himself back together.

Now, years later, he wondered how he had managed to forget all of that when he found her sitting outside his apartment waiting for him.


	6. To Erin, on her birthday!

Scully had shown up early for work and gone straight to the bull pen. She had no desire to go see Mulder down at the basement, she felt embarrassed about the night before. She knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about, but she’d had enough of being the woman with the school-girl crush on her partner. She wondered if people gossiped about them sleeping together because they saw the behavior she had toward her partner.

She was now convinced the signs she believed she saw in him were all in her head. The kiss they shared was a friendly one that she, mistakenly and sadly, took to mean something else. It was fine, she was fine. She’d confronted her feelings straight on and she would fight them until they weren’t there anymore.

Mulder was her friend and her partner, and that was enough.

She would find that happiness somewhere else.

Just as she was loading up her computer, Kim stuck her head in the bullpen. “Agent Scully, Assistant Director Skinner needs to see you in his office ASAP.”

Scully wrinkled her brow and followed the woman to her boss’ office without a word.

Xxx

It was obvious Skinner had someone in his office as she’d been sitting in his waiting area for at least 10 minutes. She hated to be called up here only to wait. It always made her think her time wasn’t valued.

Suddenly, the doors open and Mulder and Diana Fowley walked out of the room. She looked at him for a hint of what this was about. What did he do to get himself in trouble this time, and why was she with him?

“Scully, please come with me before you go in and see Skinner. We need to talk.” He suddenly looked desperate and was touching her arm. Just as she was about to walk out of the room with him, Skinner poked his head out of his office and into the waiting area.

“Agent Scully, please come in. This won’t take long.” He motioned her into his office with his hand.

“Skinner, can we please have 5 minutes first?” Mulder asked him.

“Agent Mulder, have you not discussed any of this with Agent Scully? I’m sorry but I don’t have time for this. Agent, come in please” Skinner knew that Mulder would be in big trouble after this, but he frankly didn’t have the time for Mulder to try and make anything right.

Scully walked in to the office with Mulder looking like he was going to stop her at any time.

He suddenly decided he needed to be in the meeting with her and attempted to walk in after her.

“Mulder, part of this meeting involves me explaining Agent Scully’s assignment, which has a security clearance level that you currently don’t have. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait outside.”

Scully was now beginning to worry.

Xxxx

“Agent Scully. I’m sorry that this has been very last minute. Agents Mulder and Fowley have been working on bringing this case to my attention for the past week, I thought you’ve been part of it all, so I apologize if this is quite sudden. Agents Mulder and Fowley are leaving for North Dakota in a few hours to investigate sightings of Samantha Mulder. We don’t know if these allegations are true or false, but somehow they got the approval from the director. Unfortunately he only approved for 2 agents to go.” Skinner took a breath and looked over at Scully.

Scully’s ears started ringing. She knew what Skinner would say next but she was still hoping. What was happening?

“Agent Scully, normally you’d be the one going, but the circumstances prove themselves otherwise...” Skinner continued on talking, but she was not listening or hearing him. There was a high pitch ringing in her ears. She grabbed the chair to steady herself. “.....assignment.....at the most 2 weeks........surveillance......here.....”

What little Scully managed to hear was something about Mulder and Diana being gone 2 weeks, or was it her that was going away for 2 weeks? She wasn’t sure. She got up, thanked Skinner, for what, she still didn’t know, and exited the room. She purposely exited the room on the side where she knew Mulder wouldn’t be waiting for her. She just needed to get outside, get some fresh air, and then she’d be able to breathe.

She saw the elevator and people waiting on it to reach the floor. She could not wait and then get in an elevator full of people; it would only make her anxiety worse. She headed for the stairs. She faintly heard her name being called out but she couldn’t care less who was calling her or for what. She entered the stair room and as she got halfway down the first flight she heard her name again. Unfortunately for her, and for him, it was Mulder.

“Scully!” He called after her again. She stopped dead in her tracks. She could feel the anger flaring up her face.

“What!?” She nearly screamed at him as she turned to face him.

“Look, I am sorry. I was not expecting this, this was not my idea. I thought it would be you going with me the entire time we were planning this out” he said reaching out for her arm. He needed to touch her to try and bring her down.

She took a step back. “How long have you been aware that THIS Samantha is out there? How long have you been planning this case? Skinner said you'd been trying to bring it for him to review for the past week, but knowing you, you've been working on this longer” She was hoping he would say she was wrong.

“It’s been about 3 weeks to a month” he looked at his shoes, he couldn’t lie to her.

“So you’ve known about this for a month, and you ‘expected’ me to work with you on it, but you neglected to tell me about it? Please.” She said and turned around and started walking down the steps. Suddenly, she stopped and turned and walked up 3 steps.

“Mulder. I thought we were friends, but most importantly we were partners, colleagues, you’re keeping me in the dark, I can’t help you if I’m in the dark. I....” She worried her hands and looked down at her shoes, she reached for the handrail she suddenly felt dizzy. “I...” She tried again. “Look,” she looked up at his face, “I’m sorry I kissed you and made things uncomfortable and awkward. I’m sorry that you’ve felt uneasy around me and that you feel we can’t work together anymore...I uh... I wish you the best of luck and I hope that THIS Samantha is the real Samantha.” She took off going down the stairs. She really needed that fresh air, the lower she got in the stairs, the more she couldn’t breathe. She pushed the door to the bottom floor open with more force than necessary and walked purposely towards the front door. She needed to get to the park a block down the street and shelter herself in it to try to get her breathing regulated.

Xxxx

Kathryn was in line to get coffee at the Starbucks located on the bottom floor of the J.Edgar Building when she spotted her friend, Dana, looking like she’d seen a ghost.

“Dana?” Kathryn called after her but Dana was in her own world and didn’t any indication that she’d heard her. Kathryn got out of line and chased after her friend.

Dana was walking so fast that it was taking some effort to reach her. She saw her head to the park and let herself drop onto a bench. Her elbows went to her knees and her hands to her face. She could see her taking deep breaths. She finally reached her.

“Dana?” Kathryn proceeded with caution. “Are you alright?”

“Oh God Kathryn,” she pressed her face into her hands even deeper. “Please tell me I didn’t make a scene and that’s not how you found me here” she placed her hands on her knees and looked up at her friend.

“No, not at all. I just saw you walking out of the building like a bat out of hell. I needed to check and make sure you were alright. Looks like you aren’t. What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know where to start. Mulder is working what sounds like it could be the most important case in our division and he’s chosen not to work it with me. I’ve been kicked out of the X Files for now. I’m working surveillance for Johnson and his cartel case until whenever Mulder and Diana are done. But who’s to say what’s going to happen when they’re done. I knew nothing about this case until 10 minutes ago, apparently they’ve been working on it for a month now. I feel so...betrayed.”

“Fuck.” Kathryn said as she sat next to her friend. “Dana, I’m sorry. I really have no words. Damn”. The two friends sat next to each other in silence for a while. Kathryn providing the company she knew her friend needed without overwhelming her.

Xxx

Mulder tried to catch up with Scully, but somehow, like magic, Diana had appeared out of nowhere on the ground floor and spoken to him about logistics of the trip they’d embark on in a few hours. Before he knew it, Scully was nowhere to be seen. He searched for her in the bullpen, in the basement, at her friend’s office, and the coffee shop. When he finally gave up searching for her in the building is when he realized where she must be. He knew she liked to take short walks in the park down the street to get her mind right when things were bothering her.

As he was crossing the street he spotted her fiery red hair sitting on a bench, head in hands, elbows on her knees. She looked exhausted. Next to her was her friend. He knew he had fucked up. Diana had presented him with some amazing tips on a woman she believed was his long lost sister 4 weeks ago. He didn’t mention anything to Scully because he didn’t think there was anything real to the information; but the more he looked into it, the more real everything became. Before he realized it, him and Diana were sitting across from Skinner explaining all of it.

Skinner had seemed quite surprised to not find Scully sitting next to him, and frankly he found himself sitting there thinking how it got to this point without her. When he mentioned he wanted Scully with him there, Diana had objected, and so had Skinner.

‘You and Fowley have been working on this, you have not included Agent Scully in this up until now, why include her now? I think Fowley is more than capable and there would be no time wasted on bringing anyone up to speed. Besides, that allows me to place Agent Scully on Johnson’s surveillance team like I’ve been trying to do for a while.’ Skinner had been honest, and reality hit Mulder across the face. He had been pushing Scully away little by little, this would be the last shove she needed to not put up with him anymore. He wondered if this was his doing, or if Diana had caught him in her web and was now getting rid of Scully for her own benefit. He could blame Diana all he wanted, but reality was he was a grown ass man and all of this was his doing. He was about to be gone for at least a month without being able to get any face to face contact with Scully, he just hoped she would be willing to forgive him when he returned.


	7. Chapter 7: Things are not that well

Devils Lake, North Dakota turned out to be the worst place Mulder had ever been to. He wasn’t sure if it was the place, or the company, but he was having a sour time. Downtown looked like it stayed in the 1950s. They’d rented a house in what seemed to be the only suburb in the entire town. Their job was to set up shop and stake out the ‘would be Samantha’ who lived in town.

Living with Diana was more difficult than he had expected it to be. Three weeks into the assignment he had had enough and told her he didn’t want to be with her anymore. He moved into the guest room. Their assignment was supposed to last another week. They hadn’t found anything but a woman who had grown up in foster care the only thing she and Samantha shared was their brown locks. Somehow, they were extended in their assignment another month. Mulder would be willing to bet Diana requested the extension. He was dying to get home, he needed to see and talk to Scully.

He had tried calling but she would never answer her phone or his messages. He emailed her and never received a response. He couldn’t blame her, he’d been a royal asshole. The rest of the assignment could not go quicker.


	8. Ch. 8: Mulder, the ass.

A month later

“Dana, you ready?” Kathryn stuck her head into Dana’s office.

Dana looked up and smiled at her friend. “Yes. Let me get my coat.” The friends we’re heading out to celebrate the take down of one of the top dogs of the Gulf Cartel. Dana was happy for a night out and some drinks to relax. Dana was happy to not be Scully 24/7.

They got to the bar and went straight for a drink. Scully had been doing much better emotionally, in her own medical opinion.

They found a booth in the back and Nina Barefoot and Jinda Kumani joined them. Scully had gotten to know the women during her assignment to surveillance team for the Gulf Cartel, which was why they were all currently here celebrating. There’d been a big break where they’d gotten one of the leaders who resided in the United States. The team Scully was part of had made the break, so the entire task force was invited out to celebrate. Naturally, word spread quickly and they were expecting half of the bureau to show. This was one reason they’d left work early. Scully was nursing her third beer, when she chanced a glance to the front door and she saw Mulder and Diana walking in. She did a double take, and sure enough it was him. And her. She turned back to her table quickly, too quickly for her liking. It didn’t get past the women she was with.

“Dana, you alright?” Asked Jinda.

“Huh?...” replied Scully once she realized the words has been directed at her. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just realized I was supposed to meet my brother for dinner. I...uh....I don’t know how I could’ve forgotten.” she picked up her beer and downed the rest of it. “I’ll see you ladies in the morning. Have a nice evening. “ with that, she rose and grabbed her purse and coat and made a bee line for the front door. She had no idea where Mulder had gone, and she didn’t care, all she cared about was getting the hell out of there.

She was halfway down the block when she heard her name. “Dana! Wait up God damn it!” Kathryn yelled after her. She reached her and put her left arm on Scully’s and her other arm on her thigh trying to catch her breath. “How the fuck do you walk so damn fast, and in those heels. Jesus Christ, I will never understand why you insist on wearing those and how you’re still way faster than me. But this is not what I came over here to talk about. What’s happening? I thought we were going to celebrate tonight and you’re bailing out early.” Kathryn, now caught up on her breath, stood up straight and crossed her arms across her chest waiting for an answer.

Scully put her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I just....” she groaned. “Mulder is in there with Diana. I have no idea how long he’s been in town. It caught me by surprise. I’ve had 4 beers, not enough to inebriate me, but enough to cloud my judgement and lose control of what I could say to him. I don’t want to risk it, besides I need to go home and have a good cry about this,” she laughed, a long gutty laugh. “God, I was sure I was all good about this. Turns out I’m not. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kat, I promise I’m fine, I just can’t be in there right now” Kathryn hugged her friend, no matter how much she suspected Scully hated hugs.

“Ok Dana. I’m sorry you were caught off guard. Know you’re a great woman and a great catch. Go have that cry and I will see you tomorrow, I’ll call you when I get home. “ she let her friend go, and walked back towards the bar.

Scully hailed a cab and headed home.

Xxx

Katherine walked back to her booth after making a quick stop at the bar and getting another round for the table.

“Is she ok?” Nina asked Just as Kathryn sat in the booth.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine.” Kathryn gave her colleagues a smile. “She’s off to meet her brother.” Kathryn lied for her friend, to save her from inquiring minds in the morning.

“I’m thinking of setting her up with my brother.” Nina suggested to Kathryn. “Is she seeing anyone? I really hope not. She and my brother are perfect for each other. He works for the Boston Bureau as an ME, he’s just took a position here, so he’ll be moving here in the next month or so.” Nina gave way more detail then necessary, but her coworkers were aware of her need to share every detail of her life.

“Are you talking about Jack?” Kathryn asked

“Wow, you remember him? You met him once like 4 years ago.” Nina was clearly impressed with Kathryn’s mind.

“Yes of course I remember him, he’s super hot!” The table erupted in laughter. “Wait.... who are you trying to set up with him?” She inquired.

“Dana.”

“Dana Scully?” Kathryn thought about it, “you know, now that you mention it, they would make a great couple....but, I think you should hold off for a while.” Kathryn played with her beer bottle staring at the table.

“Why? No better time like the present” Nina could be pretty pushy.

“She is emotionally unavailable right now. Anything you do would not work well. She needs some time. She’s heartbroken. Some bastard did a thing on her and she’s still recuperating.” She was about to continue on when she felt the booth startle a little when the person on the other table, who she shared a piece of the furniture with, got up and swiveled to speak to them. “Speaking of bastards, Hi Agent Mulder, what can we do for you?”

Mulder gave her a funny look, “Hi Katheryn, ladies” he said as he gave a short nod to the other ladies in the booth. “Have you seen Scully? I was told she’d be here.” He asked still looking around hoping to get a glimpse of red hair.

“No. She took off. She went to meet her brother for dinner” she told him as she gave him an uninterested look.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just have to go by her place and wait.” Mulder said as he walked away.

“Shit.” Kathryn mumbled under her breath. Rolled her eyes and got up and followed Mulder outside.

“Mulder!” She yelled after him. He proved to be much slower than Scully so she caught up with him faster.

He stopped and waited for her to say something. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to go see her right now.”

“Why not?” He said putting his hands in his pockets.

“When did you get back?” She asked him, ignoring his question.

“Monday.” He responded just as he was about to continue she started.

“Fuck. You do realize it’s Friday, right? You’ve been back for almost 5 days and you haven’t told her?”

“I...uh....we had a long drive Monday and I was exhausted so I slept, Tuesday....” He was about to continue but she stopped him.

“Mulder, you don’t owe me any explanations. Look, Dana understands you’re pussy whipped, but it doesn’t mean she accepts it, or even approves. She saw you at the bar and her reaction was not a good one. I think you need to give her some time. Maybe try tomorrow.” Kathryn was honest with Mulder, a little too honest.

“Excuse me? Pussy whipped? What the fuck? I don’t even know you” he told her, clearly offended.

“I’m sorry, that was out of line. You’re totally in your right. Look, you do what you think is right, my suggestion is to let Dana breathe today. If you do go there now, things will not end well”


	9. I've been so into your mystery. Is it because of our history?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I took liberty with Chris Carter's story, took some dialogue, changed some things. Not that he cares for continuity or story lines.

Scully had slept some. Maybe 2-3 hours, by 7 o clock in the morning she was knocking on The Lone Gunmen’s door.

“Scully? Do you know what time it is?” Langley asked as he opened the door.

“I know. I’m sorry, I brought coffee though.” She walked in and offered her bribe. “Mulder’s back, and I want to be prepared when I see him.”

“Yeah. We know. He came by on Tuesday. You haven’t seen him yet?” Langley, not at all aware of the information he had just revealed was doing to her, rubbed his sleepy eyes as he grabbed one of the coffees.

“Tuesday? When....when did he get back?” Langley almost choked on his coffee. She needed to get a hold of herself. “You know what, I guess that’s for you to know and me to find out....from him.” She forced a smile and walked toward the desk area. “Did you share any of our research with him?” She asked as she took a seat at one of the stools.

“No. We didn’t. We figured you’d want to do that. Let me go wake the guys.” He said walking towards the back of the apartment.

2 hours later and all of the research had been organized and Scully was working on putting it in a folder when there was a knock on the door.

Frohike looked at the camera and went and opened the many locks. “It’s Mulder” he said as he got the last lock opened.

Scully had a second to get ready to see him after a long and arduous 2 months.

“I’ve brought donu...” he stopped mid sentence. “Scully, hi, I didn’t know you guys had company”

Scully met his eyes and a smile found its way into her mouth. Just as quickly as it appeared, a frown took its place, as if she suddenly remembered all that he’d done.

“Hi...I was just leaving.” She said as she quickly gathered all her organized paperwork and walked towards the door.

He reached for her and grabbed her arm gently. She flinched and shrugged it off.

“Can we talk?” Mulder felt like a dumbass and complete idiot.

She wouldn’t make eye contact. She searched the floor as if it would give her the right answer. She looked up at him and sighed. “Ok, let’s talk. Now. Here.” She walked back and placed the paperwork on the table. “Did you find your sister?” He shook his head.

She felt a pang of sadness for him. “I’m sorry.” She put her hands on her hips, as if in challenge. “When did you get back?”

“Last Monday.” He looked down at the floor and chewed on his lip. Their 3 friends rooted in their spot just staring at the scene developing in front of them.

“Ah” she nodded in acknowledgment. Tears were threatening to flow from her eyes so she cleared her throat and pushed them away. “Listen, since I’m assuming I’ll be permanently assigned to my current assignment, and I still care about you as a friend, I wanted you to be aware of your current partner’s work history.”

She dumped 6 folders filled with paperwork in front of him on the table. “There’s details in here about Agent Fowley’s assignments categorizing women who claimed to be abducted around the same time I was. All of them with the same implant as me. There’s travel logs, notes that the Gunmen were able to download from government servers. I just want you to be careful.” She said grabbing her keys and headed to the door.

“I think you’re making this a little personal, don’t you think?” That stopped her dead in her tracks. Her shoulders dropped as did her head.

She turned and there was fury in her eyes. “It *IS* personal. Without the x files, I’ll never be able to bring my sister’s killers to justice, I’ll never know what happened to me.” She turned once more and left the apartment.

Xxx

She was fuming. The nerve of the man. The moment she saw him she wanted to hug him and punch him at the same time. She took out her cell phone and dialed Kathryn. She needed to get out of town for the rest of the weekend. She didn’t want to risk Mulder coming by apologizing. She didn’t want to deal with him.

Xxx

Monday

She’s been at work for no more than 20 minutes when an email came in summoning her to Skinner’s office. When she was let in to his office, Mulder was already seated. She figured this was her ‘thank you very much for your service, Dr. Scully, see you never’ talk.

“Agent Scully. Welcome. Please have a seat.” Skinner welcomed her in. She took a seat next to Mulder but never acknowledged his presence. “I have a case for you guys, in Iowa.”

Scully sat straight in his chair. “I’m sorry, who?”

Skinner looked confused, “what do you mean, Agent Scully”

“I’m sorry sir, but I am under the impression that I was being reassigned and Agent Fowley was being assigned to the X Files.” She raised her eyebrow.

“I’m not sure why you would have that impression. Aside from Agent Mulder going rogue and going on wild goose chases for months, I hadn’t even considered reassigning you. Truthfully, Agent Scully, I didn’t want to waste your time sending you with Agent Mulder on this assignment. It looked moot from the beginning, He was allowed to go as orders were sent from above me. The only thing I could do was save you.”

Scully sat back. Mulder squirmed in his seat.

“Now that THAT’s settled, let’s go over this case” Skinner opened the file and began.

An hour later, Mulder and Scully headed for the elevator. They had a plane to catch later that day. She still hadn’t spoken to him. They walked side by side to the elevator, but Scully took a detour and headed in another direction.

Xxx

7pm  
Scully was re-reading the same paragraph in the case file for the 3rd time. She was out of wits. She didn’t know how they’d be able to work this case. They were out of sync. She was on her 2nd beer at the airport bar, attempting to calm her nerves. How had things gotten so strained?

“Drinking on the job, Agent Scully?” Mulder said as he took a seat next to her at the bar.

“I’m not on the job, I’m traveling TO the job” she said annoyed as she gulped the last of her beer. She took out a bill from her purse, placed it at the bar, and got up. “I guess I’ll see you on the plane.” She really hoped their seats weren’t next to each other.

He sighed, and hung his head. He drank the beer he had ordered before she realized he was there, as fast as he could and caught up with her at the gate.

“You know, if we’re going to work this case together, I think we should be able to speak to each other.” He said as he sat 2 seats away from her, giving her the space she wanted.

She sighed deeply, closing her eyes. It took all of his self control not to stare at her mouth. Those lips. He had missed her. God, he had missed her.

“I know.” She sighed. “We can go over the case and come up with a plan while we wait to Board”

And just like that they fell back into their working relationship.


	10. Okay, I don't really, really wanna fight anymore I don't really, really want to fake it no more

They had arrived late in Iowa and went straight to a motel. Scully had made an appointment to autopsy the first two bodies early in the morning. She’d told Mulder she would leave with the car early in the morning. 

The next day, just as planned, Scully headed off to the coroners office, leaving Mulder to fend for himself. He followed several leads and interviewed witnesses before calling it a day at 9 pm. He hadn’t heard from Scully all day long. 

Xxxx

Scully was spent, all she wanted was to take her shoes off, have a good shower, and lay in bed. However, as she made her way back to the hotel, she knew she and Mulder had a routine when she was stuck doing autopsies all day. She’d come back, have a shower and he would show up with dinner at her room where they’d discuss her findings. As she shut her engine off she panicked. What if he didn’t show up, but worst of all, what if he did? 

Truth of the matter was, she had been deeply hurt by his actions. Although she didn’t hold him solely responsible, she still had yet to work through her feelings of rejection, embarrassment, and loneliness. The last one was the tricky one, sure, she’d been lonely for longer than she’d like to admit to herself, but she always had Mulder as a friend. She knew she could show up at his place if she were having a particularly hard, or even just boring, day. That was not the case any longer. She had Katherine, she reasoned with herself, but Katherine had her own life and she couldn’t expect her to be at her beck and call. Was that it? Was she mad at Mulder for trying to get a life? Was she upset that he wasn’t around any, and all, times she needed him? 

Whatever the answers to those questions were, she wasn’t going to find them tonight, and not in the parked rental car she was currently sitting in. 

Instead of finding out if Mulder would keep up with their routine, she made an executive decision and headed to the Waffle House that was adjacent to the motel. 

Xxx  
Mulder had knocked on Scully’s motel room and rang her room 3 different times now. He was beginning to worry. He knew she was back, her rental car was parked right out front. Maybe she was in the shower, he reasoned after the 2nd try. However, it had been an hour since he last knocked on her door. He looked around frustrated and that’s when he noticed her through a Waffle House window. Her red hair was not easily missed, her attire in the establishment made her stand out. 

He crossed the parking lot into the restaurant. His annoyance was apparent from his body language as he sat across from her. “Scully.”

She looked up above her laptop screen where she was busy typing up her written autopsy notes. “Mulder.” She looked him in the eye but he couldn’t read her mood. 

“Scully, I’ve been trying to reach you for the past hour. I was getting worried.”

“My cell has been sitting right here, Mulder. It didn’t ring, I’m not sure if I’m in an out of service area” she truthfully checked. 

He was almost embarrassed when he realized he didn’t think to call her cell. “Did you find anything? He asked her trying to get away from the current subject. 

She sighed. “Nothing we didn’t already know. How about you?” She said closing her laptop as the waiter brought her over an all star special. Eggs, bacon, grits, and the biggest waffle he had ever seen. 

“Nothing. I don’t think there’s anything out of the ordinary in this case other than a guy who lost his shit when his ex girlfriend found a better suitor.” He signaled for the waiter and he placed an order for whatever ‘the lady in front of him was eating’.

Xxxx

Scully didn’t realize how truly hungry she was until the food was in front of her. She didn’t care that Mulder didn’t have any food, she just dug in. 

Mulder’s food arrived pretty quickly and soon the silence at their table was filled in with sounds of their eating. Suddenly, before putting in a forkful of eggs in his mouth, Mulder announced, “I broke up with Diana about a month and a half ago.”

Scully looked up from her own meal, trying to mask her surprise. “I’m sorry, Mulder.” Truly, she was. 

“It’s fine, Im fine.” He said feeding himself a little more rapidly. 

“Even though you weren’t together that long this time around, I know how much she means to you, and I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” Scully said gently touching his hand to show her sympathy. She wouldn’t believe it if someone told her she’d be doing this now. 

Just as fast as her hand had landed on his, she removed it. 

“You know we were together before? I didn’t think I’d told you about her before.”

“No, you didn’t. People at the Bureau talk.” Just as she was about to continue her cell rang. “Sorry, I need to take this” She said as she left the table and walked a few steps to get some false sense of privacy. “Hello?”

Mulder noticed she didn’t use her usual “Scully” when answering. 

Mulder only got to hear one side of the conversation but he was interested, regardless. 

“I am so sorry. I had to travel on business very unexpectedly and I’ve been in the autopsy bay all day.” There was a silence in which he assumed the other person was talking. 

“No, not at all.” She giggled. Mulder was confused, when was the last time he’d heard her giggle? Had she ever giggled? “I should be back in town by the end of the week, maybe earlier, I’ll definitely give you a call so you can set your alarm earlier” she laughed this time. “Ok. Bye!” She hung up her phone and made her way back to the table. 

Mulder gave her a look that screamed tell me everything, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction unless he flat out asked her. “Hot date?” He said. Pretending to be as nonchalant as possible. 

She let out a half snort/half giggle. “If only,” She said truthfully, “Since I’ve been home constantly now for a while, I started running before work on the trail by my apartment, Jeff runs a little after me, but somehow we started meeting up and running together. He was just checking up on me since I was a no show this morning.” She looked down at her food and smiled despite herself.


	11. You see my world is spinning like there's nothing to know You see my world is feeling like it just might explode

The trip to Iowa had helped mend their professional rift. They were back to working in sync with each other. Things weren’t completely back to normal, especially with their personal relationship, but they were getting there. 

Whereas before they’d eat lunch together just about every day, she’d ditched him for Kathryn. 

Things had been going well for a few weeks now, he hoped soon he’d have the nerve to show up at her place with some food and they could watch a movie like they’d done plenty of times before. He missed her more than ever, and she was right in front of him day in and day out. He knew he had fucked up, they had worked towards that kiss months ago for a long time, and he’d wasted his opportunity to be happy with her. 

Xxx

Six weeks after their Iowa trip and they’d stayed close to home. No out of town trips, Scully had requested this, but wouldn’t say why. He wasn’t complaining, lately he’d had very little drive when it came to the X Files. 

It had been a little over 5 months since he’d kissed her and he still couldn’t get it out of his head. The way her lips felt, the way she tasted, the smile she had on after. She had fucked Diana plenty of times during their relationship after that kiss, but Scully’s kiss had felt better than any intimate moment with Diana. He was such an idiot. 

He’d been sitting at his desk picking at the sandwich he’d bought from the cafeteria on the 1st floor when he heard the ding of the elevator. Scully had gone out to lunch over an hour ago, he realized as he checked his watch. It was almost 2 hours, honestly. He didn’t know what was going on with her, but she hadn’t been her usual self for weeks now. He wished she would talk to him but he knew that wouldn’t happen. No matter how many times he tried. 

He’d gone over to her apartment a few times over the last 6 weeks. Of the 4 times he tried, 3 of them she wasn’t home, 1 she opened the door looking worse for wear and told him to go home, that she didn’t feel like dealing with him tonight. He’d felt hurt, he knew he had it coming though, and if Scully ever forgave him, it would be she to make the first move to mend their friendship. 

As he listened to the elevators doors open, he realized it was 2 set of heels clacking along on the hallway outside. Hushed, and almost angry whispers outside. He tried to listen but he could not make out what they were saying without risking being caught, and considering his track record at the moment, he didn’t want to fall deeper into Scully’s anger. 

Xxx  
Outside Mulder’s office 

Scully hurried to get out of the elevator and out of Kathryn’s annoying insistence that she leave work and head to the hospital. To her misfortune, Kathryn followed her out of the elevator and towards the office. She grabbed her arm to stop her from walking any further, “Dana, please, I know you’re strong, we all do, but you need to take care of this. You don’t look well, please.” Kathryn pleaded with her friend. 

“Kathryn, I am fine. It was just a little nosebleed, it happens” Scully said trying to reassure her friend. 

“Dana, you had a nosebleed and you passed out. You scared the shit out of me. Is it the treatments making you feel this way? What did the doctors tell you? It’s been a month, Dana, you haven’t told me much of what the doctors have said to you.” Kathryn rambled on. She knew her friend was an extremely private person, but she had to know she didn’t need to do this alone. “Have you spoken to your mom about this yet? You said you would do it last weekend. Mulder?” Scully looked down at her shoes. “Damn it, Dana” 

“Ok Kathryn, I’ll go see my doctor now, okay? But I will drive myself and go on my own. It’s fine.” Scully walked off before Kathryn tried to convince her to drive her. She had been the only person Scully had confided in when she received her diagnosis. An inoperable nasopharyngeal tumor; a cancerous tumor between her sinus and cerebrum. Her chances were not good, she knew that, but she refused to succumb to the disease until she had no choice. No one but Kathryn knew. She drove herself to all of her appointments and all of her treatments. Strategically scheduling them during her out of office hours. Sometimes, Kathryn would show up to keep her company, but only on the times that Scully would let it slip that she had an appointment. 

Xxx

Scully had left a stunned Kathryn outside of the X Files office. Kathryn had been so worried for her friend, she didn’t realize she was sobbing until Mulder was shaking her. 

“Kathryn, are you ok?” He asked her as he led her to the office and sat her in a chair. He went looking for Kleenex or toilet paper or something to help her clean her face. “What’s going on?”

She had stopped crying, and she didn’t know how she was going to be able to keep the secret for much longer. “It’s Dana, she’s going to be furious with me when she finds out I told you.”

“Told me what? What’s going on?” Mulder sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms in front of him. 

“Have you not noticed? She’s thinner, her hair is thinning out, paler than ever?” She snorted “God, you’re so focused on your self created misery, you can’t even see her deteriorating in front of you. Jesus Fucking Christ, Mulder.” She took a shaky breath and looked him in the eye. “Dana has cancer, brain cancer to be exact. She’s been in treatment for about a month now. They found it after she passed out a week after you came back from Iowa. Thankfully it happened on a day I’d been at her place visiting. I honestly don’t know if that was the first time it’d happened”

Mulder looked in shock, but disbelieving. “You’re not serious, how is she at work if she’s at treatment? Shouldn’t she be on some type of health disability break?” 

“God, Mulder, you act like you don’t know Dana Scully. “ she shook her head. “I just sent her to the doctor’s. She passed out after a pretty bad nosebleed at lunch. I’m going to go check on her after work today”

Mulder felt lightheaded, he put his hand on his forehead. “Why wouldn’t she tell me? Why would she keep this from me?” He was almost yelling. 

“She doesn’t know where she stands with you, I think she doesn’t have enough room in her life to deal with the Mulder situation right now. God she’s going to kill me for talking to you.” She said wiping at her nose. 

“I will go see her after work, I would go now but I’m sure she’s in the hospital and it won’t be the best place for me to show up.” Mulder said as he bit his lower lip. 

“She won’t let anyone in the hospital, half the time she won’t acknowledge that she’s sick. I think it’s more for her own benefit than mine. I’ve snuck in there with her a few times, but only after her treatment had started and she couldn’t physically remove me from the room.” Kathryn smiled. 

Xxx

Scully had arrived from her Doctor’s office a little after 4, effects from her treatment her doctor had said. She walked in and laid on her couch, about an hour later there was a knock on her door. 

She opened the door to find Mulder on the other side, holding a pizza. “Mulder, what are you doing here?”

“Well, you called in sick after lunch, I came by to check on you.” He didn’t want to lead on that he knew everything, he wanted to get her talking first. Try to start mending their personal relationship. 

She moved aside and let him in. She walked to the kitchen to grab some plates, and some drinks. She shut the refrigerator door with some force. How dare he just show up like this. She was surprised to see him standing behind the refrigerator door as she closed it and he’d seen her reaction. 

“Scully, are you angry that I’m here?” He asked, feeling the anger bubble up on the inside. 

“Yes, I’m angry that you’re here. I’m angry I have to see you every day.” She looked him straight in the eye. 

“Why? Why are you so angry with me?” He wanted to hit the wall, why was she acting this way?

“Because every time I see you, I want to do this.” She said as she grabbed his neck and kissed him roughly. Fuck unspoken rules, fuck her job, and her partnership. She was a dying woman, she didn’t give a fuck about much of anything. She pulled away, “I’m So...” just as she was going to start apologizing he grabbed her and kissed her silly. 

Before she knew it, he grabbed her ass and picked her up and sat her on top of the counter, for his better reach of her. She started working on his belt, he had his right hand under her shirt and her bra, kneading her nipple, while his left held her head in place so he could keep kissing her. 

His dick was finally free, and he moved both of his hands under her skirt and removed her underwear. He was inside of her before they both knew what was happening. Angry sex, that’s what they were having. He pumped into her, fast and hard. She grabbed at his back, wanting him closer, kissing his neck, she moved her hands around to his chest and under his shirt. She wanted to feel his skin. 

Suddenly, she felt herself very close, and suddenly she exploded. He came very close behind her. He held her close to him. He hadn’t touched her in almost 5 months. He had not felt comfortable enough with her to touch her lower back as they walked. This, this experience had been completely out of this world. All of his nerve endings were on high alert. 

“God Scully,” He kissed the crown of her head “let’s go to the bed.” he led her to her bedroom by the hand. Their clothes in disarray, their hair a tale tell of what they’d just done. 

They spooned as soon as they got on the bed. He put his arm around her belly and pulled her close. She still hadn’t said anything. 

He kissed her shoulder, “Scully, why didn’t you tell me about your cancer?” Mulder was definitely not the best at pillow talk. He felt her tense up immediately. 

Scully shut her eyes to try and will him to disappear, when she opened them, he was still behind her, kissing her shoulder. 

“Mulder, how and when did you find out?” Scully tried to keep herself calm. 

“You left a pretty distraught Kathryn behind this afternoon. She told me everything. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” He said as he kissed her shoulder again. 

“Ah, I see. Please get off me.” She said in the calmest tone she could muster. “I guess I should thank you huh,” she said sitting up in her bed, she made her way to the bathroom to grab her robe. 

“Scully, what...what are you talking about” he said as he put his pants back on. 

“Listen, please, just leave. I thank you for fucking the dying girl. Thank you for the pity fuck, I’m sorry you felt you had to. Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay?” She said, her voice shaking. 

“Scully, I...” He took a few steps towards her.

“I said, get out!” She yelled and pointed to the front door. 

He didn’t know what else to do, but leave. So he left. 

20 minutes later, there was a knock on her door, she’d been sitting on the edge of her bed, sobbing, ever since Mulder left. She had no desire to open the door, even less if the chances of it being him were big. 

“Dana, I know you’re in there, your car is outside.” Kathryn’s voice rang out through the door. She held her breath and tried to control her crying. 

She walked over and opened the door ready to yell at Kathryn, tell her to leave her alone and never talk to her again. As she opened the door though, she took one look at Kathryn and her face betrayed her as she tried to stifle a sob. 

“Oh Dana!” Kathryn said and rushed to hug her friend. 

Scully sobbed and sobbed. As she hiccuped, Kathryn sat her on her couch. 

“You going to be ok?” She said getting her Kleenex. “Let me make you some tea” 

“I’m not ok, Kathryn. My doctor....he...”the tears threatened to fall again. She took a deep breath, “I’m not getting any better. The treatment has not helped at all. I’m still getting worse. He gave me some options today, I don’t know what to do.” She looked down at her hands. “I’m dying. It’s just a matter of when. Not any more than a year, at my best guess, though” she put her face to her hands and continued to sob. 

Kathryn rushed to her side and held her for a long time. “Dana, I think it’s time you start letting people in on this. It will be easier with people by your side.” When Scully had calmed a little, she continued on, “I actually came by to apologize, I...uh...I talked to Mulder this afternoon. He knows.” Kathryn searched her friend for some type of reaction, but Scully just smiled sadly. 

“I know, he came by, I threw him out” Scully had tears running down her face once again. 

“What happened?” Kathryn said a bit confused. 

“We had sex. He told me he knew afterward, and it all felt pretty much like a pity fuck. I wish I’d known he knew before it got that far so I could’ve spared myself.” Scully said, Kathryn couldn’t say anything to her friend. This was not her relationship, and only she knew Mulder on a deeper level. She couldn’t tell her that she was possibly wrong, that was Mulder’s job to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has taken on a whole new road. I was planning on something completely different, but then this came out. Hope you’ve enjoyed it!


	12. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? That’s all right because I love the way you lie.

Scully had fallen into a pretty deep sleep after Kathryn had left. She knew the events of the day had exhausted her. 

She followed Kathryn’s advice and called her mother, she set up a lunch date with her for the following day. 

She also decided to take some time off to try and decide the rest of her life. The doctor had given her 2 options. One, continue with the Chemo and radiation, this would buy her time, but she would be sick for most of it. Two, stop treatment and let nature take its course. She would be prescribed strong pain medication to deal with the headaches that were a sure thing. 

While sleeping, she dreamt of Mulder holding a baby, she felt love surge through her at seeing his expression while he looked down at what was obviously his son. She felt so happy for him in her dream, as he rocked that baby and smiled one of his huge smiles. 

She woke up drenched in sweat-a side effect of her treatment. She thought about Mulder and that baby, she hoped that that came true for him, he deserved to finally belong to someone and have people call him his own. Maybe Diana and him would rekindle their romance. 

It saddened her to think of all the time wasted. She wouldn’t make it past 35, had no significant other, no children, no real remaining friends, what did she have to show for her life? Had she accomplished anything worthwhile? Would people remember her for long?

She really needed to speak with her mom, she always had a way of helping her arrange the thoughts in her head. 

Xxx

Mulder has showed up to the office on Monday morning a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what he would say to Scully. He hadn’t seen or heard from her all weekend and he hoped that she wouldn’t be as mad as he guessed she’d been the past few days. 

At 9 am an email came from her, subject line: Out for the next 2 weeks. 

The body of the text didn’t give much away. 

My apologies for the late notice, but I’m taking the next 2 weeks off on personal time. 

My notebook that contains all the notes for the Jimya case is on the 2nd drawer of my desk should you need them. 

Feel free to call if you have any questions. My access to email will be limited. 

-Scully

To say he was blindsided was an understatement. He climbed the stairs to the 3rd floor, where the laboratories were, to try and talk to Katherine. 

He found her nose deep in a microscope. He came up next to her and touched her shoulder gently to not scare her. 

She looked up at him, “Mulder, hey. What’s up?”

“Good morning, Katherine. Just wondering if you’d spoken to Scully? She’s taken 2 weeks personal time and I had no idea she was planning on this. Is everything ok?” He hated to not be part of the know, hated to have to ask someone else what was going on in Scully’s life when, previously, he’d be the person she’d call and confide in. 

Katherine gave Mulder a look of disbelief. “You’re asking me if everything is ok? After our conversation last week? After you visited with her? God, you really *are* clueless!” She said walking out of the room, looking for a little more privacy for this conversation. 

“Look, I know she’s sick, but she looked fine when I saw her.” Mulder said looking at the floor and putting his hands in his pockets. 

“Mulder, would the Dana you know fuck you because you showed up at her apartment with pizza?” Katherine crossed her arms across her chest. She was in disbelief how such a brilliant man couldn’t profile his own damn partner. 

“She...she told you about that?” Mulder asked a bit scared. 

“She’s my friend. Of course she told me. I must’ve shown up soon after you left her, because when I showed up she was still crying her eyes out. You did such an amazing job” Katherine told him as she gave him a very sarcastic thumbs up. “Making Dana Scully cry, and then leaving her to it” she shook her head in disappointment. “You know, you-men really are dense. You fuck your partner, a woman who is so madly in love with you, God only knows why, leave her to deal with the mess you left, on the day she finds out she most like has no more than a year left to live.” Katherine started walking away, but Mulder reached out and grabbed her arm. 

“What did you just say? A year? What are you talking about?” Mulder said, fear in his voice. His first reaction was to ask about her being ‘madly in love’ with him but then the ticking clock of a year started ticking in his head. 

“You didn’t ask her what her doctor said? What did you do? Show up, fuck her, and leave?” Katherine said, crude as crude can be. 

“Can you please stop saying fuck” Mulder asked running out of patience and running a hand through his hair. 

“You are a piece of work, why does Dana even deal with you?.” She sighed. “The doctor gave her some options, continue treatment so she can extend her time, or stop treatment. She believes she doesn’t have more than a year left. She was seeing her mom this weekend, she’s taking time off to try and decide what she’s going to do. She and her mom are going away, vacation, something she really needs. Now if that’s all, I really do have to get back to work.” Katherine waited for a response, when none came, she walked back into the laboratory.


	13. It’s the end of the world as we know it

Scully had met her mother for lunch and explained the semantics of her illness. All the gory details. Her mother had been upset that she was finding out a month after her daughter had learned of this, but she had no time to admonish her. There was no time left for that. 

Margaret Scully wanted to have all the answers for her daughter, but she had none. Instead, she invited her to go away, think about how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. 

Maggie had booked them a week at the Chesapeake Bay Resort. They’d spent the first day by the pool. Chatting, catching up, getting some sun. They spoke of everything, but Mulder, who Maggie suspected was a sore subject for her daughter. 

Maggie walked up to the pool chair with 2 cocktails. She sat them on the table between their chairs and looked over at her daughter. She caught a devastated look on her face. She followed her daughter’s gaze. She was staring at a young family, a mother, a father and a young child having fun in the pool. 

“Dana.” Margaret touched her arm lightly. 

Scully looked over at her mother, unaware of the look she was currently sporting on her face. “Sorry, mom, I didn’t see you came back.”

“Dana, it’s ok to be upset” she looked deeply into her daughters eyes. 

“Oh, you...” she shook her head and looked at her lap in shame. She couldn’t have this conversation without breaking down. She took a deep sigh. “I’ll never get to be a mother, raise a family. I know my work is crazy, and I love it, but I figured one day I would meet someone and slow down, live a normal life, but...that’s not something that’s going to happen. It makes me angry, it’s not fair mom” Scully said as tears finally made their way down her face. 

Margaret gave her a fierce hug. “I know Dana. This is unthinkable. I wish I could make it all better.” Margaret felt out of control, something she despised. 

Xxx

4 days into their get away, Scully started feeling sickly. Well, if she was honest with herself, she felt like shit. She didn’t want her mother to know, so she sucked it up and got up to get ready for their day of shopping. She used the bathroom and got up, too fast she reasoned, as she felt incredibly light headed. As she went to flush the toilet, she saw droplets of blood landing in and around the toilet. She flushed the toilet and moved quickly to get some toilet paper and will the nose bleed to stop. 

She soon realized the bleeding wasn’t stopping but only getting worse, which scared her. She walked out of the bathroom to have her mom somehow help her, after all, she was her mother, she must have an answer to this. “Mom...” she began to say, and Maggie Scully’s worried and horrified face was the last thing she saw before everything went black. 

Xxx

She woke up 12 hours later in a hospital room with her mother sitting nearby. “Mom...” she called her mothers attention who was currently watching what appeared to be the news. 

Margaret looked in her direction very suddenly, “Dana, honey, you’re awake!” She said as she rushed towards her. 

“God mom, I’m sorry for ruining our vacation. I’ll make it up to you, I swear” Scully said with a guilty tone to her voice. 

“Dana, please, I am glad you’re awake, you scared me.” She said brushing her daughter’s hair away from her face. “Kathryn came by to see you, she says you’re friends. Asked me to tell you that you need to get out of here fast because you still owe her a night out”. She smiled a sad smile. 

Scully chuckled, “mom, I’m going to take a little nap, I’m so tired..” and before Maggie could reply, she was fast asleep. 

The next two days went by about the same. Scully waking up for random bouts, but short, amounts of time. She didn’t ask about Mulder the first day, but the next day is when she asked her mother to please let him know she was in the hospital. 

Maggie was unable to reach Mulder and she didn’t want to call Mr. Skinner just yet. She rang Kathryn who had left her cell phone number with her during one of her visits, in case she needed anything. 

Xxx

Two days later and the doctors told Scully and her mother that the decision had been made for her. Her cancer had advanced in a very rapid way that treatment would do nothing for her now. 

She was a sitting duck now, just waiting for death. It was coming, faster than she expected, wether she liked it or not. 

Mulder was still unreachable. 

Xxx

Three days later and Kathryn was outright pissed. She had not been able to reach Mulder. He was not answering his phone whenever she called, she went by his apartment and no one answered. She had gone as far as going to his boss, Walter Skinner, and asked him if he knew where he was. Skinner told her that he was out on assignment and he would reach out to him. 

Kathryn checked back with him a day later, and he said he’d been able to make contact with him and expressed the seriousness of the situation; Mulder had said he’d be back when he could. 

Kathryn was pissed at him, but would not show it in front of Scully. That night, when she visited with her, Scully had been awake and alert, joking around with Kathryn. 

Kathryn had not wanted to bring him up, but Scully would not let her leave without asking, “Kay, have you seen Mulder?”

“No, Dana, he’s been out on assignment.” She left it at that, not wanting to get into specifics. 

“I’ve called him several times but he’s not answering his phone. I don’t know if he’s just not answering his phone, or just my calls. I just...” Scully looked down at her hands nervously, “I wanted to see him before....to apologize and explain some things. I’m running out of time, Kay. I don’t want him thinking I hate him and I’m not around to tell him I don’t and have never” her eyes filled with tears but she didn’t cry. 

“I’ll bring him, Dana.” Kathryn made a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep. 

Xxx

A day later, Kathryn was outside of Scully’s room while her mother was in with her. She didn’t feel comfortable not being here, nearby, in case anything happened. 

She was going through some of her work results and typing them up on a big chunky FBI issued laptop. Suddenly, she heard hurried steps and looked up to a frantic Mulder rushing towards her. She placed her laptop on the next seat over, fury in her eyes. She grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the room. 

Once she was sure they weren’t within hearing distance she went off on him. “Where the *fuck* have you been!?” Her eyes burning holes into his brain. 

“Hi, hello Kathryn, nice to see you too, see you’re still very fond of that word. “ Mulder said, his joke falling flat. Tough crowd. Very tough crowd. 

“She’s been asking about you. Every fucking day. She’s dying, and she’s been asking about you and you’ve been God knows where, not caring that your partner is on her deathbed.”

“Kathryn—“ he began but she cut him off. 

“I don’t care for what you’re going to say, just go in there and make something up. You’re here now, that’s all that matters I guess.” She looked away from him and sighed deeply. 

“Kathryn, I’ve been out looking for a cure...and I ....I believe I have it. Right here.” He said as he took a vial from his jacket. 

“What in God’s name are you talking about?” She said, wild eyes staring and waiting for an explanation. 

“I found a cure for Scully.”

“Are you fucking crazy? You think you found a cure for cancer?!” Kathryn said almost laughing. “I told you to make something up, but make something up that’s credible!”

Mulder pursed his lips together, “look, I don’t have time to waste, I wasn’t here because I was looking for this, to save her. I need to see her now, so if you’ll excuse me.” He said as he took off in a fast walk towards Scully’s room. 

Xxx

He entered her room quietly, Maggie’s face looked surprised and relieved. “Fox, I’m glad you’re here. She’s been asking for you. She just fell asleep. I’m going to go get a cup of coffee.” 

She left and he took her place in the uncomfortable chair. As he sat down, the chair made a squeaky noise and Scully began to blink. 

“Mulder?” She smiled weakly, “you’re here! I wasn’t sure I would get a chance to see you again.” Her smile reached her eyes and she reached for his hand. He took it. 

“Scully, we have to talk, I believe I can save you.” Mulder than went on and explained about how he’d gone off the grid, all the things he had been doing while he had been MIA. Then explained the chip, how it worked and asked if she wanted to try it. 

Everything moved rather quickly. From her decision, to convincing the doctors, to signing a million consent forms releasing the hospital and its doctors from any liability, to the implantation. 

If she were honest, Scully had done all of this so Mulder knew he did everything he could to help her. She didn’t think it would work, but why not try, what if it did? 

Mulder has stayed with her that night, sent Mrs. Scully home, she looked worse for wear and he wanted to spend time with Scully. 

The adrenaline had her awake. The adrenaline and the fact that he was there, with her. 

“Mulder, I have to apologize.”

“Scully—“ he tried to stop her, but knew she wouldn’t. 

“No. Hear me out. I’m sorry I’ve been cold towards you these last few months. I’m sorry, I was acting immature. I...I was hurt and acting out on it.” She took a breath, as if she was going to tell him her biggest secret. “I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember. When you kissed me, I thought we were finally moving in a direction that I liked, but life had other plans. I understand now that you don’t feel the same, and that’s ok. I’m ok with that now, but I had to tell you, before.....before I was gone.” She smiled. Now her chest didn’t feel heavy anymore. 

“Scully. I........I’m so sorry for the way I acted. I got caught up in something I shouldn’t have. I love you too. You’re all I think about. Diana was a distraction, a test that I failed miserably. I have been beating myself up about it. I’m really sorry, I know that’s a very lame apology but I don’t know what else to do or say to make it right. I don’t think I *can* make it right, that was such a dumbass thing I did to you.” He put his hands on his face. 

She reached over and grabbed his hand and brought it to her face and kissed it. She held on to it and fell asleep holding it. Her last thoughts were that if she were to die soon, tonight would be ok with her. Things were finally ok again. 

Xxx


	14. When you hurt me, you hurt yourself

The first thought that occurred to her was that she wanted to go for a run. She felt like she’d had the most restful sleep in a long time. Her second thought happened as she stretched and felt wires and slight pain on her right hand from the IV that she was hooked up to. Then, she opened her eyes. 

The first thing she saw was Mulder’s sleeping form on the couch in her hospital room. Everything seemed...brighter. She had so much energy, she didn’t know when the last time she felt so good was. “Mulder?”

He jumped at her voice and looked over at her with sleep filled eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. “Scully, you ok?”

“Mulder...I feel like....like I want to go for a run, not just any run, but I feel I could run an 8 miler right now.” She had tears in her eyes. 

He jumped up and ran out of the room to get the doctor so they could confirm everything they already knew. 

3 days later, Scully was discharged from the hospital. Margaret drove her home and insisted on staying to take care of her. Scully knew her mother needed to stay, not for her, but for herself, to make sure her prayers had actually came true. 

—  
At everyone’s, specially A. D. Skinner, insistence, she took a month off to gather her bearings. By the 3rd week she was growing antsy. Thankfully for her, Kathryn was cashing in on her night out that night. It was a Friday night, and she could’ve been invited to watch paint dry and she would’ve been ecstatic. She needed to get out of the apartment. She needed to get Mulder out of her mind. 

Mulder. Sigh. He called her every night to check in, make sure she was ok, he would tell her about the cases he was putting in the queue for when she returned and then he’d say goodnight. 

He'd come over on a weekly basis. They’d have dinner, make small talk, and he would leave. Things were incredibly awkward, but they were getting better. 

Kathryn showed up right at 7pm like she’d promised, looking happier than ever. “Dana! You look great!” She gave her an appreciative glance over. “Let’s go, I’m taking you to my favorite Irish place”

Xxx

As they walked in to the place they walked to a small patio with a live band in the back, as she walked through the doors a crowd of people turned to her and exclaimed “surprise!” 

On the back wall, there was a banner that read “happy remission!” in different colored letters. She looked over at Kathryn who was smiling from ear to ear. “Look, Dana, you needed this. We almost lost you. We need to celebrate you.” She whispered to her, afraid that she’d overstepped her mark and Scully was angry with her. Scully embraced Kathryn in a tight hug before the rest of the crowd came to get their own hugs. 

She must’ve hugged 30 different people, some who were very close to her, friends, family, others who she hadn’t seen in a while. Suddenly, there was a drink placed in her hand and she looked over to see who handed it over, Mulder was standing there with a smirk on his face. She walked two steps toward him and embraced him. 

—

Scully had spent a better part of the night catching up with people. Mulder has spent a better part of the night sitting on his own, sipping on beers, watching her. Suddenly, Kathryn sat in front of him with a smile on her face and two beers—one for him and one for her. “She looks happy, huh?” She asked him while looking over at her friend. “God, Mulder, I don’t know what the fuck you did—sorry, I know that word bothers you, I’m trying not to say it too much in front of you—but whatever you did, thanks, the world deserves to have Dana Scully in it for a while longer” she said tapping his hand and taking a gulp of her beer. “How are things with ya’ll nowadays?” Mulder noticed Kathryn’s Texan accent got stronger the more she drank. 

He chuckled, “awkward as fuck” he laughed, “I’m trying to say that word more in front of you since you like it so much.” She smiled. “I’m trying with her, I really am. I think she’s guarded, I don’t blame her, I wasn’t a good guy or friend to her in the past few months.”

Kathryn looked sympathetic, “she’ll come around, she wants to come around, if that makes you feel better. You just have to keep working on not being a jerk to her.” She smiled. 

“What are you two scheming down here?” Scully said as she sat down next to Kathryn and placed 3 shots in front of them. “It doesn’t matter, I want to take a tequila shot with my 2 best friends.” 

Mulder was a bit taken aback to hear her say that. It was a nice surprise, he didn’t think she felt that way anymore. He reached for the shot and raised it up. Kathryn followed, Scully raised hers and toasted to “life, love, and more life!”

— 

2 hours later and the party was winding down. There were only a couple people left over. Scully was standing next to Kathryn talking to a few women who he was sure worked at the bureau but had no idea of their names. 

The live band had been playing slow songs for the last 20 minutes. Suddenly they started playing a cover of Shania Twain’s “you’re still the one” and he knew he had to ask her. He walked over to her before thinking about what he was doing. He whispered in her ear “will you dance with me, please?” She looked up a little surprised and just shook her head yes. 

He held her as close as he could without making her feel uncomfortable. He didn’t want to push his luck. 

The song lasted what felt like 10 seconds, and with that, the party was over. She looked up at him smiling, and patted his chest. 

“Scully can I drive you home?” He suddenly wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. 

“Kathryn drove me, I don’t want to be that guy...” she was saying when suddenly Kathryn was next to them. 

“Yes. You can definitely drive her home. I’m taking a taxi anyway, I’ve had a little too much to drive.” Kathryn smiled, gave Scully a hug and whispered something in her ear that made Scully giggle. Mulder loved it when Scully giggled. 

—  
The car ride had been pretty silent as both parties were still finding it difficult to be at ease with each other. He pulled up in front of her building. She sighed, a happy sigh, and unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the handle. Suddenly, she felt like if she got out of the car, she’d be missing a big opportunity, so she stopped and looked at him. 

She was surprised to find him looking at her, with a look on his face. She’d seen that look, months ago, and it made her stomach do flips. Without giving it a second thought, she leaned in and pressed her lips against his. She meant it to be a quick peck, but his lips felt so amazing on hers that she wanted to keep feeling them. She reached for the back of his head and pressed him closer to her. He did the same. Tongues dancing together. God, it felt so good. 

She pulled away and placed her forehead to his, wanting that closeness, but scared to look at him. “Mulder, I’m tempted to end the night here, but I’m scared it’ll end here. Mulder, stay. Come up. Make love to me, tonight.” She kept her eyes closed, scared of rejection. 

Suddenly, both of his hands were on her face, pulling her away from him to look her in the eyes, and just as fast, he brought her mouth to his, he kissed her hard and with purpose.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn’t have me convinced (still doesnt) but I’ll try to make it up to you guys next chapter.

Chapter 15

Neither of them spoke as they walked into her building and up to her apartment. She unlocked the door without incident, walked in and heard Mulder shut it and lock it behind her. 

She turned around, suddenly nervous, and they looked at each other for a few moments before he closed the distance between them. 

He looked her in the eyes and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears before he descended his mouth on hers. Once their lips were on each other, they were lost to the world. 

She walked them backwards towards her room and ultimately her bed. By the time her calf’s hit her bed, her shirt was off, his shirt was off and she was working on getting his jeans off. By the time her head was on the bed, they were completely naked. 

He worked her way up her body, fast. He wanted to be inside her, he wanted to pump into her, make her feel his love for her. 

“Scully, I...need to...get inside you right now” he said punctuated by kisses to her neck to her breasts and lastly to her mouth. 

“Yes, please...do it...now” he realized she was just as impatient as he was. 

He entered her in one long stride as she threw her head back on the pillow. 

“God, Mulder, you feel...so...fucking good” her cursing made a lighting of lust go through him and he started pumping into her. She grabbed his face, and kissed him passionately before she nudged him with her knees. “I need to get on top” she flipped them over without losing contact with him. 

She started slowly sliding in and out of him, grabbing on to his chest for balance. He grabbed her hips and started helping the rocking of her hips. “God Mulder,” she said as she sat up straight on his dick. 

He moaned at the slight change and immediately went after her breasts. Just then, her right hand reached down to their connection but stopped to rub at her clit. She started a slow circular motion on it and that made her hips immediately start moving faster. 

“Oh God Mulder, I’m going to come” she said it in a voice he had never heard come out of her before. Dripping in sexiness. 

He grabbed her hips and began pumping into her harder and faster. “Come for me baby, come for me Scully.” Just as he finished his sentence he felt his dick get wetter and her walls clenching him and he pumped her a couple of more times before his own orgasm caught up to him. She laid spent on his chest, catching her breath. Moments later, they fell asleep. 

Hours later, as the sun was coming up, she opened her eyes to find she was still wrapped in Mulder’s arms. 

She disengaged herself and walked into the bathroom to clean herself. 

She walked into the water spray and the water felt amazing hitting her skin. Her head started swirling with thoughts. What had happened last night? Had it been actions born out love? Had it been actions born out of loneliness and too much alcohol? 

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in her bathrobe. She walked to the kitchen and filled the coffee pot with water, dumped some coffee beans on the filter and sat at the kitchen table and waited for the coffee. 

That’s where Mulder found her 15 minutes later after his own shower. Head in her hands, back slouched over. She didn’t looked like a woman who had just been loved and well...fucked... less than 5 hours ago. 

She didn’t hear him enter the room until he started rummaging in her cabinets for coffee mugs. She lifted her hands from her face and watched him make her the perfect cup of coffee. Just like she liked it. He walked over to the table, placed the mug in front of her and sat opposite her on the table. 

“Thank you! She smiled at him but wouldn’t make eye contact, she took a sip. 

“Are you ok, Scully?” He asked, taking a sip of his own coffee. Searching for her eyes with his own but she was making it extremely difficult on him. 

“Yeah yeah.” She said. Unsure. Eyes on the table. Her nail scrapping at an invisible stain. 

“I don’t want this to become something else we don’t talk about. I can’t...won’t...shove this under the rug” at this, she lifted her eyes and met his. He could see she was terrified. That, in turn, scared him 

“I....I don’t know where to start. What to say to you.”Scully looked at him for help. It was his turn to look away. 

“I guess I owe you for being an asshole to you as of lately. I’m glad last night happened. I’m scared you don’t feel the same about it, and I’m afraid this is the final nail in the coffin for us. Things haven’t been right with us for quite some time, and I’m terrified of losing you for good.” He finally made eye contact with her. 

She had tears in her eyes. Mouth in a line, probably to prevent herself from spilling any tears. 

“I am conflicted. I want to believe you, but I’m stuck in a place where I feel you’re reacting to me almost dying and losing me. I don’t know if you actually care about me in that way. I confessed my feelings for you on my death bed, so I know you know how I feel. I don’t know if we both acted out of loneliness, because we were drunk, or if it was something that was meant to happen because we love each other.” 

He was stupefied. “Scully, I know me saying it out loud may not convince you, but I can only try. Maybe last night liquor gave me some courage. Maybe last night I was feeling extra lonely, but, I was only lonely for you. Maybe this was a result of you almost dying, I can’t give you a good answer to that. I *can*, however, tell you that I’m in love with you. The possibility of you not being in my life terrifies me. The fact that you don’t think I’m in love with you makes me mad at myself. The fact that you ever felt like I rejected you makes me feel like a failure of a man, because truthfully, I did reject you, I turned you away. After a lot of introspection, I think it was me not feeling like I deserved you, or feeling like you deserved better. I do still think you deserve much better than me, but if you would give me another chance, I will prove to you that I will spend the rest of my life loving you and trying to be a man you deserve.

**Author's Note:**

> I always had an urge to punch Mulder in the face whenever Diana Fowley was around, so I’m reaching in for that rage and making him completely dumb for this story. Hope you guys enjoy, it’s not as painful as it sounds, promise.


End file.
